Firm Facebook Facts

Facebook has changed the world. It is impossible to go through the day and not encounter it. On every web page there are links to Facebook, it has become the sun of the electronic galaxy. Everything revolves around Facebook.  I would say I have to be careful about what I say but from my other posts you will be able to tell that I don’t care who I offend in my posts. My goal is humor and were all the butts of it sometime so get used to it. Here are some facebook facts, they should put them in the stupid screen no one reads when you have to sign up for new stuff.

First and foremost facebook is for single people. It is a social website and married people no longer need to meet or interact with people. I don’t recall facebook being mentioned in marital vows (thank goodness it hasn’t gotten that far) I do remember people pledging loyalty to their husbands or wives though. The scripture would be well translated were it to say that they should leave facebook and cling to their spouse and none other. So often I get on Facebook to find absurd declarations of love to their significant other. No kidding you love your wife, you freaking married her and the ring on her finger lets us know that you two are love birds in the same cage. If clingy spouses publish ridiculous cliché nonsense as their Facebook status do the rest of have to read it? Unfortunately yes, and it invokes the gag reflex quicker than masochistic web forums. So instead of expressing your love over Facebook use the telephone.

Next up, your group sucks and your cause is lost. I know that starving kids need help and abortion is bad but me joining a Facebook group has the same capacity of solving it as the kids I am “supporting” do of having a thanksgiving dinner. Zero. Far too often I get invited to bogus groups such as “star wars is cool”, “I had Mr. Jones as a teacher”, or perhaps the most far-fetched “support republicans”. I don’t want to join your group so you can send me a worthless message that you’re going to have an orgy in star wars costumes. Save it for Halloween.

Lastly, relationship status posted on facebook is like wearing t-shirts that mention your boyfriend or girlfriend. repulsive and a banner displaying your distasteful fashion. If you have to post that you are in a relationship just to reassure yourself you have serious problems. Whenever I see posts that say “Joanne went from being ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’” my heart drops. Not because my chances with Joanne are shot but because I always thought Joanne had more self-confidence and tact than publishing her relationship on facebook.  If you are looking to discuss your relationship, or lack thereof online e harmony is just a click away. Really. 

http://www.eharmony.com/

So Facebook friends, after “liking” my blog please keep this in mind and be a good member of my Facebook community.

Yours untruly, cause I am my own

Ben Williams