GAYming

A while back a person I know asked me if I liked a certain game. I politely responded that I don’t play video games and I don’t like Nintendo.

When I told him that I didn’t like Nintendo he got a puzzled look on his face and said “that game is for X-Box.” Well sir, sorry I am not up to date on all the gaming lingo but by Nintendo I mean all the stupid virtual “reality” (oxymoron?) things that you waste your time and money on.

So this is going to be my letter to the gaming community. I know your smart and can beat me in nerd talk about graphics, gigahertz, megabytes and all that stuff which is meant to be a tool for us, not the topic of conversation. However, I have no respect for someone that can press the right buttons in the right sequence the fastest and thus “win” or “beat” the game.

In and of themselves video games are ok it’s the gamers that have problems. It’s like the opposite idea of hate the war not the warrior. My motto for life success is hate the gamer not the game.

Now, I am never guilty of stepping up on a pedestal and ranting out my opinions without regard to others. (okay, its actually what this blog is all about.) so here are the facts on the gaming community.

Most of them are addicts to anime porn. They spend so much time cooked up with headset and handset that they get upset, sexually. This frustration leads them to the neighboring world of cyber-sex.  But just like in real life they can’t handle real people relationships so they stick to the virtual and enchant themselves with virtual, drawn, divas. Anime porn addicts fall in between regular porn addicts and pedophiles in the dirt bag chain.

Gamers are what keep dermatologists in business. I think that every hard core gamer I have seen has severe acne. I imagine that as adults they still have their mother cook them microwave food as to not distract from their intense gaming session. All the foods they consume are oily, and when you don’t shower (which gamers obviously do not have time for, in their mind) acne is an inevitable result.

Have you ever had a good conversation with a gamer? Don’t worry, I haven’t either. Why are they terrible at normal person talk? I am guessing it is because the sight of a real face, and not an avatar, startles them. They spend out their time venting about Zelda to other gamers in 160 character phrases through abbreviations and acronyms, all this through instant messaging or over broadband calls on “live” (another oxymoron)The detriment of our current social scene is due to lack of communication skills, the world of gaming is by far the biggest promoter of non-verbal communication.

Now, the last point I want to hit on is the subject of gamer forums. What a pathetic tragedy that these things exist. Forums are bogus but a gamer forum is as pathetic as it gets. With all the time gamers spend gaming I would hope that when they are not, that they might go get some exercise or something. But no they go from call of duty, to the computer to talk about call of duty, back to call of duty. No one cares that you killed 8 soldiers with one grenade, or that you threw a hail mary, or that you beat the record on Mario kart. I went inside the first gamer forum that popped up on google and they actually had donation box. UGH! A donation box for such a bogus thing as a gamer forum. I was tempted to offer them 50 dollars to shut down. This means that people pay money to be able to talk about what would happen if bowser raped princess peach. How can gamers ask money from people when there are so many better causes to fight like AIDS and hunger. To close here are images of the world’s future sex offenders, who got their start by playing Grand Theft Auto:

If you want to end up like these ^ all you have to do is pick up a Nintendo paddle, and yes that means x-box too.

Yours untruly, cause  I am my own

Benjamin Williams